May 2007 Matters of Life and Death
Chevra Kadisha News
We Are The Afikoman!
 
~The Aron~

What exactly do I mean by, "we are the afikoman?" We all know about the afikoman, the very last food we are to eat at the Passover seder. The Rabbis tell us that nothing else should be consumed after we eat this treat. Of course, after the long seder at our homes, who wants to eat any more? I just want to sing a few verses of Chad Gadya and call it a night.

But let's think "out-of-the-aron for a bit. The work we do is at the very edge of life. On one level, it is this "afikoman" work on the body that intrigues us, and challenges us, and we are indeed proud that nothing else happens to that body after we lovingly cradle it into the aron.

But what about the soul? How do we bring the "soul business" its "Afikoman?" Is this even possible? And do we want, or need, to involve ourselves in this spiritual arena, too? And what would it look like if we did? Should we pray for the soul of the met/a? We do already. Should we involve ourselves even more than we do with the family and invite them to address their loved one's "soul business?" For some of our families, the physical work of tahara is sufficient. But who knows, perhaps some would want more from us.

I have always felt a missing piece to our work, the soul's afikoman. I want to go even farther than we do, I want to say to each family: "You know, they cannot truly leave this earth until you allow them to do so, so you need to talk among yourselves about forgiveness and not holding grudges and apologizing to your loved one, and to each other. You need to talk about healing the wounds of this family so that this death will matter, so that you can go forth "from mourning to morning, from pain and sadness to a life of joy and hope. You need to do all this, or else this becomes "only" a physical death, with few redeeming blessings."

This is what I want to say, but I dare not, for fear of treading on raw emotions. And who am I, anyway, for wanting to intrude myself upon a mourning family? But perhaps we need to think more about this aspect of Chevra Kadisha, on what it means to bring the soul its Afikoman, as well as the body. It seems like a logical next-step to me, what do you think? I'll see you in Edmonton, and hopefully we'll have some time to chat about this and other important areas of our work. That's if the Mall doesn't wear us down... Lehitraot, see you all soon!

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A Word From David Zinner
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What insights can I share to encourage you to attend a Chevra Kadisha conferences? Over the last five conferences, I find that we initially focus on what knowledge we can gain. It is true that there is a tremendous amount of information available about chevra kadisha issues. Conferences provide the opportunity to learn from experts. Understanding the history, textual sources, liturgy, practice variations, educational strategies and organizing techniques will help us improve our Chevra Kadisha groups! Yet over the last five years I've learned that the "take home" message is more subtle, more nuanced, and much more powerful. In addition to the learning, conferences provide inspiration, support, and insight. They promote networking, problem sharing and solving, and a different understanding of what we do. Conferences provide a spiritual context for our personal growth. And they give us "permission" to talk about God, spirituality, emotions and feelings with each other and with those who have lost a loved one. You can't get that in a book or a movie. It only comes from human to human contact. Immerse yourself in the Chevra Kadisha conference. Let the mikveh of community, support and transform you. Your feelings, your Judaism and your life will be changed. I look forward to seeing you in Edmonton June 10-12.

 
Chevra Kadisha News

Kavod v'Nichum's Fifth North American Chevra Kadisha Conference will be held in Edmonton, Canada from June 10-12, 2007 in conjunction with the 100th anniversary of the Edmonton Chevra Kadisha. The conference features networking, workshops, lectures and demonstrations. Invited key note speaker is Rabbi Maurice Lamm. Register now.

 Need to make recommendations to the local Jewish film festival? Try My Mexican Shivah, set in Polanco, a Jewish quarter of Mexico City, and spoken in Spanish, Yiddish and Hebrew, this dramatic comedy is about how the death of a man results in the celebration of his life.

My Secret: The Wisdom of 400 Funerals - A Montreal rabbi's renewed sense of purpose from excessive funeral attendance.

1954 - It was a sad and sacred moment. The bereaved family and other mourners were gathered around a gravesite in King David Memorial Park, near Falls Church, Va. across the Potomac from Washington. Suddenly, as the rabbi bowed his head in prayer, a raucous blast of music disrupted the burial ceremony. Read more about this story.

The NY Jewish Week periodically prints articles that touch on death and mourning themes. Here's a selections that goes back a few years. · Miracle At Iquitos - 1/19/2007 · No Direction Home For Kaddish - 11/17/2006 · The Caress Of Kaddish - 7/21/2006 · A Place To Mourn - 6/16/2006 · Kaddish With The Pope - 6/2/2006 · Tuesdays With The Great Hasson - 11/18/2005

When you can't make it to the funeral - connect electronically. Read more about webcast and phone in funeral services at the Plaza website.

How Ants Bury Their Dead - from NPR

In connection with "Mitzvah Day" at a local synagogue, the T.o.T. (aka "Sew What?") group met to assemble tachrichim. Two of us had pre-cut the pieces and packaged them with assembly instructions. At the gathering we had two doing ironing, 7 sewing machines, two hand- sewing, one coaching, and one sorting and folding pieces and ties. Assembly instructions for all the pieces can be found on www.threadsoftradition.org -- click on "tachrichim" in the center at the bottom.

Turn Memory Into Blessing - the Yizkor cycle

The Spring issue of the United Synagogue Review has a tahara article by Ilene Rubenstein: "Forever Changed " and an article on the Chevra Kadisha: *The Final Journey - A Tale of Two Cities"