The Jew in American Life - Rabbi Samuel Dresner -
1963
Chapter
2 - The Scandal of the Jewish Funeral
Some time
ago the cemetery committees of the Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform
Synagogues of Springfield, Massachusetts, met and approved eight proposals
dealing with funeral and mourning practices which they had requested the
rabbinate of the community to draw up.
This
meeting, which climaxed more than a year of discussion and debate, may well prove to have
marked a turning point in the American Jewish community.
Why?
Because
at that meeting communal leaders came to grips with a situation in American
Jewish life which all agree is intolerable.
Let
me first enumerate some of the common flagrant violations of the law and
spirit of Jewish tradition in regard to burial and mourning.
A beloved
wife, husband, father, or mother dies. One of the first things that must be
done is to "select" a casket. At the funeral parlor, the
grief-stricken mourner is invited to a fashion show in which he is asked to
judge the merits of various caskets, including beauty, durability, quality,
etc. If the mourner is not shown a simple wooden casket (a common practice),
and he requests it-for
he himself may prefer it, the deceased may have requested it, and, above all,
Jewish law requires it-the undertaker may reply: "It's out of date."
"It may fall apart in a day or two." "Don't you want to honor
your mother (or wife, etc.)?"
The
mourner may finally and reluctantly be taken to a dimly lit, unkempt
back room where the plain wooden caskets are kept.
In the end, the
innocent mourner is likely to follow the suggestion of the undertaker and buy
an elegant, plush-lined casket in the belief that this is the proper way to
remember the departed, even though the cost is far beyond what he can afford.
The strict laws of
simplicity and equality in Jewish funerals had their origins in conditions some
two thousand years ago which are strikingly reminiscent of those prevalent
today. It is recorded in the Talmud:
Formerly
they used to bring food to the house of mourning, the rich in baskets of gold
and silver, the poor in baskets of willow twigs; and the poor felt ashamed.
Therefore a law was instituted that all should use baskets of willow twigs.
Formerly
they used to bring out the deceased for burial, the rich on a tall state bed,
ornamented and covered with rich coverlets, the poor on a plain bier (or box);
and the poor felt ashamed. Therefore a law was instituted that all should be
brought out on a plain bier.
Formerly
the expense of the burial was harder to bear by the family than the death
itself, so that sometimes they fled to escape the expense. This was so until
Rabban Gamaliel insisted that he be buried in a plain linen shroud instead of
costly garments. And since then we follow
the principle of burial
in a simple manner. - Moed Katan: 27 a, b.
It
is inhuman to require that the grief-stricken mourner "go shopping"
for burial arrangements, and criminal to urge him to spend large sums on the
funeral, which Jewish law tells us must be as simple as possible.
Music
is often played at the funeral parlor, expensive wreaths of flowers are
displayed, the deceased is placed "on view" for several days, dressed
in the latest fashion, and new customs-such as the pallbearer's glove
ceremony-are introduced at the discretion of the undertaker.
After
reading an article of mine dealing with simplicity and equality in funerals
(United Synagogue Review, N.Y. Spring, 1961)
a Chicago woman wrote me that "the whole atmosphere of funeral
chapels has been changed so that the elaborateness plus the lighting tends to
make the room more like a social hall than a room for mourners. When my dear
mother passed away recently, I selected a casket beyond my means because I
didn't want people to talk."
Why
should people "talk"? Only because certain attitudes cultivated in
the general American environment have gradually permeated the old strongholds
of Jewish life. A description of these attitudes, an analysis of how they came
about, and an appeal for change is found in a series of angry articles which
followed one another in rapid procession in Reader's Digest, Coronet, Time,
The Saturday Evening Post, The Progressive, and Jubilee. The titles
of the articles alone-"Can You Afford to Die?", "The High Cost
of Dying," "What Should a Funeral Cost?", etc.-are indicative of
their content.
The
following material is drawn from them:
It
is a fact that even in the most fashionable city funeral homes it is possible
to buy a perfectly adequate funeral for about $250. In one, an attractive cloth-covered
casket is priced at only $94.00. Most people, however, do not buy an
inexpensive casket. Torn by grief or guilt, subject to a subtle but effective
sales pitch, afflicted by a natural desire for display ("most people want
to die up"), they turn from cloth-covered soft wood to costly hardwoods
and specially sealed metal caskets. In the past ten years the price of
cloth-covered wooden caskets has risen only 8 per cent. . . , yet of the
$167,300,000 worth of caskets sold last year, 66 per cent of that figure were
high-cost metal and only 19 per cent, cloth-covered wood.
While living costs have risen 24.6 per cent in the
past decade, funeral charges have soared 42.4 per cent. Thus the country's
annual burial bill of almost two billion dollars by far exceeds the amount
spent each year in hospitals to recover from illness.
One woman who, having been shown a $515 casket,
asked the owner if he had something less expensive, was told that he did have a
"flat top" if she'd care to come out to the garage to look at it.
"But I assure you,', he added with distaste, "that you wouldn't be
caught dead in it!"
Selling
funerals out of proportion to the family's way of life is also a
frequent abuse. In 1950, the United Auto Workers made a study of Ford Motor
Company pensioners who died during the year and found that while average life
insurance benefits were only $1,300, average funeral expenses were more than
$800. The business agent of a Los Angeles Union recently announced that he
would no longer provide undertakers with information about deceased members'
insurance policies. He had learned that instead of using the information to
keep costs within reasonable limits, undertakers had been charging up to the
amount of the total benefits.
Perhaps
the most shocking instance of merciless price gouging brought to public notice
occurred in 1947 in Illinois, when one hundred eleven miners in Centralia died
in a coal mine disaster. Some local undertakers charged widows as much as
$1,178.50 for funerals. Charges for identical services and caskets are said to
have varied by several hundreds of dollars, depending on the size of the amount
credited to the dead miner in the form of Union Welfare death benefits and
state compensation.
The
high profits in an industry where there are no government controls and no
buyer's resistance is attested to by a Senate Committee hearing in 1947, when
one witness who owned four well-known funeral parlors told the committee why he
gave up his job in a livery stable to become an undertaker. "What appealed
to me mostly was when I saw one of them [undertakers] buy a casket for
seventeen dollars and sell it to a poor, broken widow for two-hundred
sixty-five dollars. I said, "This is awful sweet. I can't let this
go."
A
Canadian archbishop wrote the Funeral Directors' Association that because
"the cost of dying is getting out of all proportion, it might be well for
the Association to make an agonizing reappraisal not only of price structures,
but also of pagan customs and trappings that have crept into the
industry."
The Roman Catholic
magazine, Jubilee, published a recent article pointing out that the
basis of the modern funeral industry is elaborate embalming, featuring
"that alive look." This "has enabled corpses to look more and
more like window-display mannequins and visitation with them has become quite
popular." One successful undertaker remarked that "people
generally come in the afternoon and go out for dinner and come back."
It
would seem that some embalming supply houses wish to make the dead look
healthier than those who mourn for them.
The
Frigid Fluid Company of Chicago, Illinois, advertises: "NEW! NEW! NEW!
Lanol-Tex Arterial Fluid. . . Nature's Own Way to Soft Skin Texture,"
which "restores the same condition to the skin as during life." The Gold
Crest Chemical Corporation of Wilmington, Delaware, is proud that everybody is
talking about Rubin-X Jaundice Dual Injection Fluids," which provide
"a gentle and fast-bleaching action with no spotting." In case of
dissatisfaction with the product, "you may return to us for full credit
after embalming your first case.
Mourners notes Psychology
of Funeral Service, a guide for undertakers, "are less capable of
reasoning than under normal conditions….They want to do the accepted
thing." Sometimes "the accepted thing" can run as high as a
$19,000 casket with "Ever-Seal air, water-tight construction, and
Ever-Rite adjustable bed, all in a zestful champagne finish, with a
semi-tailored interior of gold-tone, Savoy crepe."
"Never
say to a client," advises the publication Successful Mortuary Operation
and Service, "I can tell by the fine suit you're wearing that you
appreciate fine things and will want a fine casket for your father."
Instead, it urges the funeral director to say, "Think of the beautiful
memory picture you will have of your dear father in this beautiful casket.'
After quoting a price, continue talking for a moment or two. And never use the
dollar sign on the price tag!"
Replying
to some undertakers who claim that making funeral arrangements is a "therapy
of grief," Dr. J. Bartlett, dean of a West Coast school for the ministry,
says that, "The soft lights, the inner-spring mattresses, the prettying up
of the remains by cosmetics, and the fake grass at the cemetery does not help
one to face the reality of the loss or increase the sentiment. Funeral
directors try to make you feel that the more you spend, the better the
therapy."
Speaking
bluntly, Mrs. J. Treuhaft of Oakland, California, said, "It's a racket!.
Why can't we have funerals without fins?"
But Neil Brown,
president of the San Francisco Funeral Directors' Association, thinks
differently: "If we Americans have a high standard of
living, we also have a high standard of dying. It's the American way!"
To
encourage the "American way," the magazine Mortuary Management published
a series of suggestions from funeral directors on how to handle clergymen who
try to influence parishioners to purchase less expensive caskets. One
suggested that the minister be invited into the undertaker's office for coffee
while the family is left in the showroom to make a selection. "This works
part of the time," the magazine added.
Is
it any wonder then that a survey made in 1959 for the National Funeral
Directors' Association, by Dr. Robert Fulton, a sociologist at Los Angeles
State College, revealed that 51 per cent of Protestant clergymen and 41 per
cent of Roman Catholic clerics believe that "American funeral directors
exploited or took advantage of a family's grief in selling funeral services?
(The industry replied in an editorial broadside in their
magazine, Casket and Sunnyside, conceding
that the minister has "every right to be consulted on the time of
the funeral, and that he might have some say
about other details, but that the
price of the service is not his prerogative and that he should
not go into the selection room.")
It is the task of
those in the funeral profession [according to a manual for undertakers entitled
Psychology of Funeral Service] to educate the public in the right paths.
Within the past twenty years, the task of education has been executed so
skillfully that lavish funerals are now equated with religious devotion and
family loyalty, and so thoroughly that the undertaker's take-over from the
clergyman seems complete-and more profitable than ever. Even the growing number
of undertaking establishments does not provide competition in lower prices
because there are few persons who would not be repelled at the thought of
bargaining at such a moment. The lavish funeral has been carefully cultivated,
from cemeteries for pets to Los Angeles' monstrous Forest Lawn, with its three
hundred unbelievable acres of trees, ponds, wedding chapels, statues,
paintings-and bodies. Disregarding that they are tradesmen, selling caskets,
vaults, and other merchandise and services, undertakers have often minimized
such mundane considerations as dollars and cents and concentrated on pride
and respect and-cruelly-feelings of guilt.
(Quotations and facts in the above pages were taken from Time, Nov. 14, 1960, The Progressive, 1961, Coronet, Oct., 1961, Readers Digest, April, 1949, The Saturday Evening Post, June
17, 1961.)
> > > < < <
This
being the deplorable situation in the general community, we can now better
comprehend that the Jewish community, too, is beginning to feel the corroding
influence of the American environment upon it, breaking down standards that
have been maintained for centuries. A former New England casket salesman, a
Gentile, told me that within the past ten to twenty years there has been a
decided change in the kind of caskets ordered by the large Jewish funeral
establishments. While "wakes," embalming, and solid mahogany or metal
caskets were unusual in former days, he pointed out, they are now becoming more
and more common. And along with rampant commercialization has come vulgarity on
other levels.
Thus,
before a Jewish funeral, it is now not uncommon for friends to
"visit" the funeral parlor, to find them talking, laughing, even
joking, where only silent respect or worship are appropriate. Then, after the
funeral, the family and friends often return in droves to the mourner's home,
where it is expected that the grieving family provide food and drink.
A
woman who had lost her husband turned to me weeping: "Rabbi, the whole
family crowded into my home after the funeral, eating and laughing, laughing
and eating, so that my heart could break. Why? Because my husband died?"
A
Bronx, New York, store advertises: "We cater shivahs"I
Such
festive funeral banquets make a mockery out of mourning.
Jewish
custom requires the first meal after the burial to be prepared by friends and
neighbors, not the mourners. Jewish law enjoins us to be sensitive to the
feelings of the mourner and, therefore, we are not to speak to him until he
first speaks to us. How much the less should we engage in socializing-even
sometimes in gaiety-at shivah visits!
Another
letter among the hundreds I received in response to the above-mentioned
article was from a man well known both in his profession and in the Jewish
community. "My principal reason for writing," he said, "is to
congratulate all those responsible for taking action to bring about simplicity
and equality in funerals. Compelling people of modest tastes and pocketbooks to
bury their dead in inlaid mahogany or bronze caskets or what-have-you is a
disgrace to Jewish life and death. We have experienced it
in our family and so have others.... Decorum at funeral services is also
something that is crying for correction. People attend funeral services to pay
respect to the departed and engage in loud conversations in such a manner that
it is a mark of disrespect to the departed. Condolence calls have degenerated
into cocktail hours, and about the only thing that remains is for someone to
set up a table and deal the cards for a game of bridge. My wife and I have been
so disturbed by what we often have witnessed when Jews pay condolence calls
that we have agreed that the 'memorial week' may well disappear."
These present-day abuses of funeral and mourning
practice moved some of the rabbis and congregations of Springfield to action.
Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform were equally concerned. The following are
the regulations regarding funeral and mourning practices for the Jewish
community of Springfield:
1] In keeping with Jewish tradition which teaches the equality of
all men, and that therefore there should be no distinction at time of death
between rich and poor, there will be one uniform casket used for all funerals.
This casket will be draped with a cover of the congregation.
2] In keeping with the above tradition, no flowers will be permitted
at funerals. Instead, friends and relatives will be encouraged to contribute to
the charities of their congregations and other worthy causes.
3] The casket will remain closed at all times. The living should be
helped to remember the departed as they were in life, not with the image of
death.
4] Out of respect to the departed, the body should never be left
alone; a shomer (guard) should remain with the departed at all times until the
funeral. During this period Psalms should be recited.
5] Rather than engage in idle conversation, visitors to the place
where the departed reposes should be encouraged to recite from the Book of
Psalms and other literature which should be made available for this purpose.
6] According
to Jewish tradition, it is not required to visit the funeral parlor prior to
the funeral, or that the family be available for such visits at the funeral
parlor. It is, however, a mitzvah to be present at the funeral service and to
visit the family during the shivah period.
7] No
special gloves shall be provided to the pallbearers.
8] Meals provided by mourners for those
attending shivah services should be discouraged as an imposition on the family.
(As of this date (Dec., 1962), these rules, with varying changes,
have been approved by the cemetery
committees and boards of the Conservative, Reform, and largest
Orthodox congregations of Springfield. The changes made
by the Conservative congregation are in rule 1,
which now "recommends" a single casket, and 7, which is broadened to
read: "The introduction [by the funeral director] of any new practices
in the funeral service must have the approval of
the Rabbi, Hevra Kaddisha and the Board."
The
above eight proposals which were drawn up and presented to our respective
congregations could have been enlarged upon, but we wanted to establish an
approach which would be acceptable to all wings of Jewry. For example,
Conservative and Orthodox congregations also require ritual washing of the body
and the garbing in shrouds in accordance with Jewish law.
The
wide response to this proposal from various parts of the country testified to
the seriousness of the situation. For example, a past president of the
Rabbinical Assembly of America, Rabbi Aaron Blumenthal of Mount Vernon, New
York, published the following editorial on the front page of his congregational
bulletin under the title 'Rabbis Ban Lavish Funerals":
A
pronouncement which should have far-reaching effects on American Jewry has been
issued by the rabbis of Springfield, Massachusetts, representing Conservative,
Orthodox and Reform elements in that city.
With
the passage of time, from the days of our immigrant forbears, our concept of
Bar Mitzvahs, weddings and funerals has been changed, essentially
through the influence of our Christian neighbors and Hollywood extravaganzas.
For many years, insidiously, the simple funeral for which Jews were known and
which our Christian neighbors thought sensible, although they never emulated
it, has developed into an undertaker's delight. Gone is the plain pine box; the
shrouds; the Psalms; the immediate burial; the simple ceremony and mourners
giving vent to their feelings. It has become impolite to grieve for a departed
beloved one, and the cost of coffins has climbed to three and four figures, in
violation of Rabbinical injunction.
Shiva
has developed into an atmosphere of the afternoon cock-tail party. Formerly it
was the duty of neighbors to feed the bereaved and food was brought to them.
If, perchance, the visitor was offered nourishment by the bereaved or a
neighbor, it was almost a duty to refuse such food. The contrary has developed
today; potato chips, fruit, cigarettes and drinks are spread for the
entertainment of the visitor. Smoke is generally so thick and the din of
conversation so loud, one could well wonder what is taking place.
Unfortunately,
the celebrant or bereaved assumes he is unqualified to choose for himself. As a
result, the mortician has under-taken the funeral arrangements; the caterer has
pre-empted the Bar Mitzvah function and wedding, until the latter two have
become three-ring circuses, with food for the unhungry before and after the
ceremony, and sufficient drink prior to the nuptials to remove some of the holy
spirit of sanctification.
The
decree by the Springfield rabbis calls for simplicity in funeral arrangements;
a simple casket covered by black cloth; the body not on view; and a return to
the solemnity of shiva. Let us hope this is a step in the right direction and
that similar action will be taken to correct other lapses in American Jewry.
Further
evidence of concern about Jewish funeral practices can be seen in a
pronouncement made by the Chicago Board of Rabbis and two editorials in his
congregational bulletin by Rabbi Max Routtenberg, of Rockville Centre, New
York, Chairman of the Committee on Law and Standards of the Rabbinical Assembly
of America.
The
Chicago Board of Rabbis is greatly concerned over existing local funeral
practices which violate the letter and the spirit of Jewish tradition. The
practice to place a dead body on exhibition during a "visitation,"
whether in the chapel or at home, is a gross violation. Despite its widespread
character, it is of recent and alien origin and in total disharmony with Jewish
concepts and traditions. View of the body is inappropriate…Only a vigil held by
the immediate family with the departed is proper.
The
proper, time-honored manner in which to pay one's last respects is to perform
the great mitzvah of attending the funeral itself. The only proper time to make
condolence calls is after the funeral and at home where the traditional
mourning period is observed. To expose the mourners to the ordeal of greeting
visitors while deep in grief, sometimes even in a state of shock, no matter how
well-intentioned the caller is, is wholly out of keeping with Jewish counsel on
how to console mourners.
We
call upon Jews to whom the precepts of Judaism are sacred and who share our
abhorrence of a custom that is as un-Jewish as it is unfeeling to unite in eradicating
this evil from our midst. Let us honor the name of God by sharing our
compassion for sufferers in their hour of grief through the dignified, reverent
and time-honored ways taught by our tradition.
In his editorial, "Let's Put an End to It,"
Rabbi Routtenberg writes:
This
matter has been on my mind for some time. It is hardly the most pleasant
subject for discussion, but it is something that all of us have to face at one
time or another and I want to place my position on the record, unequivocally,
so that there can be no mistake about it.
I
am referring to the custom that has grown up of having pre-funeral visitations
in the funeral chapel, where the deceased is put on display and the bereaved
are required to be present to greet the would-be comforters. Jewish life has
witnessed the introduction of new customs and practices which have enhanced and
enriched our way of life. This custom has lowered our standards and has debased
our traditional procedures relating to the proper respect for the dead and the
duty we owe to the mourners. I am strongly opposed to this alien, un-Jewish
custom for a variety of reasons and I should like to see us put an end to it.
For
one thing, we Jews do not regard it as a matter of respect to
the dead to exhibit his body to public view. A person in death is entitled to
privacy. To bedeck and adorn him as though he were still alive has the element
of mockery in it. Our tradition teaches us that when a person dies his body has
lost all significance-it returns to the dust as it was. Only the spirit that
animated it lives on-in the hearts and minds and affections of those who knew
and loved him. He is remembered best by not viewing his inert remains but by
recalling the quality and character of his life.
Perhaps
even more important, the mourners are called upon to make a public appearance
at the very moment when they have a tremendous need to be alone with their
nearest and dearest ones. This custom subjects them to an excruciating ordeal
from which they ought to be spared. Certainly, our first consideration at time
of death should be for the bereaved and their needs. The pre-funeral
visitations are an exhausting and frequently embarrassing experience for which
there is no justification.
The
proper, time-honored manner in which to pay one's respects to the dead is to
attend the funeral itself, not the "wake," which so many are doing to
fulfill their obligation. The only proper time to console the mourners is after
the funeral, at their home, where they are observing the period of mourning.
I
heartily endorse the recent statement issued by the Chicago Board of Rabbis,
representing a united Chicago rabbinate, which said, in part: "We call
upon the Jews to whom the precepts of Judaism are sacred and who share our
abhorrence of a custom that is as un-Jewish as it is unfeeling to unite in
eradicating this evil from our midst. Let us honor the name of God by sharing
our compassion for sufferers in their hour of grief through the dignified,
reverent and time-honored ways taught by our tradition.
And in "I Wish They Wouldn't Do
That!" Rabbi Routtenberg describes a common funeral practice:
Have
you ever attended a picnic at a cemetery? Of course no one has ever invited you
to such an affair. You would regard it as a macabre jest if you were to receive
such an invitation. And yet, unsuspectingly and innocently enough, you have
been a party to such an occasion-or you will be.
You
receive a card in the mail inviting you to attend the unveiling of a tombstone
to the memory of a member of your family or of a dear friend. You want to
participate in this service of memorial to a beloved one and you make your way
to the cemetery. It is a solemn occasion in a solemn place. You join the family
and friends who have gathered to pay their respects, in prayer and in eulogy,
to one who now rests in peace in his eternal home. It is usually a year or less
since the death of the deceased and the memories are still fresh and the wounds
have not yet healed. It is a moment of sorrow, of contemplation, of meditation.
And
then, suddenly, when the last prayer has been uttered and the kaddish has been
intoned, some one in the group appears with a picnic basket and out come
bottles of liquor, cakes and cookies. The mood and atmosphere are miraculously
transformed and you find yourself at a picnic! You wonder, have the people gone
out of their minds? Have they forgotten where they are? Are they so boorish
that they do not know the elementary rules of etiquette, the proprieties of
conduct in a cemetery?
Not
at all. They are quite innocent, these people who bring the refreshments to be
served after the service of unveiling. They have been told that this is a
proper Jewish practice, that it is part of the tradition of Judaism and not to
do it would constitute a violation of a sacred custom.
May
I disillusion the "innocents" and inform them that serving
refreshments in the cemetery is not proper Jewish practice, that it is frowned
upon by the tradition and is prohibited by the classical law-makers. In the Shulkan
Arukh, the code regarded as most authoritative by traditional Jews, it is
specifically stated in Yoreh Deah, Number 363:1, "It is improper to
engage in any irreverent acts at the cemetery . . . such as eating or
drinking." For whatever reason this custom may have arisen, in disregard
of the law, its continuance can have no justification in our day and is an
offense against our sense of propriety. Whosoever among us has the opportunity
to exert an influence on such an occasion should regard it as a duty to help
abolish this grotesque and bizarre practice.
Let it not be assumed
that funeral directors will accept proposals such as those of the Springfield
congregation without challenge. Local experience has been that the legal
counsel for the funeral directors threatened a suit claiming "restraint of
trade." But distinguished jurists throughout New England have made it
clear that it is not only the right of the synagogue to demand
compliance with religious
requirements, but their duty to do so. And when a report of what had
transpired in Springfield was made to synagogue leaders at a meeting
considering the problem of raising standards in regard to weddings, Bar
Mitzvahs and burials at the 1961 United Synagogue National Convention (at which
much discussion and the citing of local problems and progress by the delegates
took place), the official publication of the funeral industry, Casket and
Sunnyside, for March, 1962, included an article (replete with errors)
titled "Synagogues are Seeking Control of Burials." The sub-title read:
'Proposal Adopted for Study by Conservative Rabbis Would Take the Decisions on
a Funeral out of the Hands of the Family. Synagogues Would Be Advised to Set up
Mortuaries Where the Funeral Directors of a Community Refused to Go Along.
Counter-Measures Are Being Taken by the Jewish Funeral Directors of
America."
This
article referred to an open letter which was sent to Springfield Jewry by the
local undertaker during the attempt to introduce the above-mentioned eight
standards in that community. That letter contains the following:
We
are not going to allow ourselves to be forced to reduce our services, or the
manner of serving the public, under…threat of preventing families from calling
us or making arrangements of their own free choice…[The Conservative Movement,
as reported at the United Synagogue Convention, is] attempting to care for your
loved ones according to their own dictates, leaving your family no alternative
but to leave them as sole arbiters to what kind of a funeral shall be had.
Would you allow such restrictions to apply to your every day living-to your
purchase of homes, furnishings, clothing, automobiles and the other necessities
in everyone's life?….
The
funeral industry was evidently so alarmed by the Springfield proposal and the
United Synagogue meeting (albeit incorrectly reported by them), that it
editorialized in the same issue of Casket and Sunnyside. This editorial
deserves to be quoted at length and studied with care as a document which
inadvertently reveals the crass commercialism with which we must contend.
The
vast importance of good clergy relations is strongly emphasized in a new
threat to funeral service which, if it finds fertile soil, will make the danger
imposed by the memorial societies puny by comparison.
A
resolution, which has been received for study by the United Conservative
Synagogues of America and is to be considered by the rabbis when they meet
again in May, would take the whole conduct of a funeral out of the hands of the
funeral director.
If this resolution were to be adopted and gain the firm
support of the mass of Conservative rabbis, the latter would be in complete
control of all funerals of their members. They would deal or they would have
their congregation deal only with the funeral homes which went along with this
plan of austerity.... While it is possible that this means of annihilation for
the Jewish funeral business may have been suggested by a very small group of
rabbis, already it is more than an idle threat. It actually is being put into
practice in such smaller cities as Springfield, Mass., and it is being urged in
such big centers of population as Philadelphia and Chicago.
This
attempt by the church to force dictation of funeral service from the top down
is far more than just a threat to one particular branch of funeral service.
Numerous individual Protestant Churches either have endorsed the memorial
society movement or at least have advocated very inexpensive funerals. This
attitude also has met favor in certain portions of the Catholic Church.
Thus, it would not be surprising
if one or more of the great church bodies in the Christian faith adopted or
attempted to adopt such a resolution. Then the fat would really be in the fire.
The Jewish Funeral Directors of
America, through its board of governors, has appointed a committee to find out
just who is responsible for the resolution among the Conservative rabbis, what
their gripes really are and what can be done to improve clergy relations and
thus maintain the status quo of Jewish funerals.
Such
a danger is not far away from your door. It could threaten you if other
churches really get on the band wagon…
Actually,
this is much deeper than any matter of conflict between the ministry and the
way in which funeral services are being conducted. It is a direct attempt of
the various elements in the church to encroach on human freedom. Contrary
to the ways of the American democracy, (These and the following italics in
this article are mine.-S. H. D.) in
which people can decide how they will bury their dead as well as all other
aspects of their personal life, this is a direct attempt of the church to
dictate funerals, stripping away from bereaved families the right of any free
choice.
In
its way it is as bureaucratic and sinister as anything to be found in the lands
where the light of freedom has vanished….
It
simmers down to this: Shall control of funeral service be left to the
dictatorial orders of the uninformed or self-seeking members of the clergy?
Or shall the American people have the right to bury their dead with dignity and
after their own conscience in keeping with their financial needs? What you do
in your community in influencing your own clergymen will play an important role
in determining this...
The
well-organized public relations machinery of the American funeral directors is
here seen in action. "Synagogues are seeking control of burials"!
Indeed, when did Jewish law, which the synagogue represents, not control
burials, along with weddings, prayers, and whatever else relates to the spiritual
life of the Jew? Is this some horrible phantom threatening the sacrosanct
prerogative of individual choice on the part of the family? Is it not, in fact,
a sane and sanctified means of halting the present abuse of grief-stricken
mourners? To protect the mourner in his time of grief is the age-old prerogative
of the religion of Israel, which surrounds the entire period of mourning with
that mariner of religious law which guides the mourner safely and comfortingly
to his duty: first by relieving him of responsibilities in funeral matters and,
secondly, by showing him how to walk the path of shivah and kaddish. How to
mourn for the dead is one of the supreme contributions of the Jewish religion.
Over
long centuries of concern, the wise laws of burial and mourning were evolved.
Our people did not squander its genius in ruling empires or training armies; it
spent its time in learning how to live with ones' fellow man, how to raise a
child, how to mourn for a mother. Visit your local municipal library
and you will find that about 10 per cent of the books there deal with the
general category of "how to live," whereas a Jewish library contains
90 per cent of such books. We cannot invent new religious rites overnight. The
twentieth century may have produced experts in technical civilization, but it
has yet to produce a saint! The laws of burial and mourning took centuries to
develop, and were developed by men wiser and more saintly than we. Can we
simply enter the funeral parlor in a moment of grief and create a new pattern
of observance?
"Socialism"
is the word which could next be expected to be hurled forth by the funeral
directors' magazine. The holy right of the family to purchase a casket is
raised to the highest echelon by the undertakers, and with good reason. Free
enterprise, democracy, the rights of the individual are all trotted forth in an
effort to expand the breach in the wall of Jewish tradition which has acted as
guardian and protector of the mourner, freeing him from the ugly procedure of
making commercial arrangements at a time when his rational capacities are at a
minimum and the need to abide by "convention" can easily be
stimulated. This breach should be healed by the lay and rabbinic leaders of the
synagogue and the Jewish community, restoring that wall of protection and
solace to the Jewish mourner which has ever been one of the glories of Jewish
tradition.
Belonging
to any society implies obeying its laws, which are made for the welfare of all.
The United States has laws. You may not drive through a red light, nor evade
your taxes, because you are a citizen and bound by the laws of the land.
Judaism too has laws and traditions. In our private religious lives we
are free to observe or not to observe, for example, the Sabbath or the dietary
laws. The Synagogue may only urge us to do so. Our public religious
lives, however, are another matter. A wedding, a bris, a synagogue service, a
funeral-these are public religious functions over which the Jewish clergy
preside. No father may request that the Torah not be read at the Sabbath
service at which his son is becoming Bar Mitzvah. No groom may insist that one
of the Seven Blessings of the wedding service be omitted. Similarly, neither
the undertaker nor the misguided family has the right to interfere with the
spirit or the letter of the Jewish funeral tradition. And the Synagogue must
refuse to be a party to such interference.
Freedom
of choice, furthermore, is itself affected by choice. For once one chooses to
accept the privileges of being a Jew, he must at the very same time accept the
obligations as well. Thus, if one wishes to be married as a Jew, then that
marriage must be in accordance with Jewish tradition, and if one wishes to be
buried as a Jew, it must likewise be in accordance with Jewish tradition.
The
undertaker, in objecting to the authority of Jewish law and tradition in
funeral matters, claims he is safeguarding the "free choice" of the
mourning family. Is he? The truth is that very little freedom is involved in
decisions made under such trying circumstances. It is Jewish tradition that
protects the rights of the mourner against those who would manipulate grief to
their own advantage.
Let
me cite an example. A young man loses his mother. He loves her dearly, and his
loss is overwhelming. How does he express his grief? "Nothing is too good
for my mother!" he declares. He purchases a lavish casket and wreaths of
flowers which are beyond his means-against Jewish tradition, which teaches
simplicity and equality in death; he agrees to visitation hours in the funeral
chapel for several days, with his mother's body on display-against Jewish
tradition, which teaches that the face of the dead should be covered and that
the funeral should take place as soon as possible; and he buys a cement vault
so that the casket will remain intact-against Jewish tradition, which prohibits
any means of mummification and requires a simple wooden casket so that the body
may return to the earth from whence it came, as quickly as possible-"Dust
thou art, and unto the dust shalt thou return."
He
does these things because they are what he has seen others do, because only
these things may have been suggested to him, and he wants to be a good son.
How
different when there is a Hevra Kaddisha-the Holy Brotherhood which should
serve each community and congregation-to be of help. For it is their duty to
aid the mourner in time of grief, to be available to him when tragedy strikes
and to offer that consolation and guidance which the millennial wisdom of our
people has accumulated over the centuries-to be a brother. Surely this precious
mitzvah cannot be relegated to purely commercial interests.
The
Hevra Kaddisha would explain to such a young man the mourning customs and the
reasons for the simplicity and equality of the Jewish burial ritual. (The
funeral laws of simplicity are summarized
in the classic code of Jewish law, the Shulhan Aruch (Yoreh Deah #362):
"We do not bury the dead in lavish fashion, even a prince
in Israel." The commentary of Rabbi Shabbatai ben
Meir HaCohen (SHAKH) explains: "For the preservation of
the social order, since it would shame the poor who
are not able to do likewise, give rise to the pride of
ostentation, and cause unnecessary waste of means and
substance." Maimonides, giving similar reasons in
his Mishneh Torah (Laws of Mourning, Chapt. 4), adds "not to
imitate gentile practice.") They
would offer their help in making funeral arrangements. They would tell him that
the Torah teaches us to express love and grief for a mother, not through
wasteful display, but in giving charity and doing good deeds in her memory, in
fulfilling the laws of mourning and in faithfully reciting the kaddish. They
would arrange for a minyan during the shiva and guide him in the trusted ways
of Jewish faith.
Jewish
law decrees that between the period of death and burial, the mourner is an
onan-that is, spiritually and mentally so distraught that he is encouraged not
even to recite his prayers or perform any positive mitzvah. How much the less
can he engage in commercial arrangements!
"Nothing
is more distasteful than to have to bargain in a moment of sorrow, as friends
of ours had to do," a congregant of mine wrote to me. "As you know,
my wife's mother passed away lately. The congregation to which our parents
belong has the rules you aim to establish. We had nothing to do with the
arrangements. Everything was taken care of by the Hevra Kaddisha, which spared
us much embarrassment."
The
need for controls to tame "freedoms" that have blossomed into license
and nonsense was reported in Time Magazine of December 7: "About
$10 will send the French workingman to his maker in a dignified but austere
manner; a minimum of $1,500 gives eminent members of the bourgeoisie a church
bedecked inside and out with black silk draperies embossed with the initials of
the deceased, plus a chorus of 30 voices accompanied by harps, trumpets,
violins and cellos, and an elaborately carved casket resting on an ornate
catafalque built especially for the occasion. And do not ask for whom the bells
toll; they toll for first-class funerals.
"Last week [Maurice
Cardinal Feltin, Archbishop of Paris] decreed that, beginning January 1,
Paris churches will offer only one class of funeral . . . and all for free. 'For many
people, we are men of money,' said the cardinal. 'We must discredit this
notion. We shall invite the faithful to forget the useless pomp and ceremony of
the past and to accept evangelical simplicity. Indeed, death does remind us of
our fundamental equality before God."
Apparently
few American Jews have any notion of the historic Jewish attitudes toward death
and burial. We have always had the Hevra Kaddisha (Holy Brotherhood), composed
of the leading Jews of the community, who consider it a mitzvah to be able to
help arrange for the burial of a fellow Jew. The rabbis spoke of this
particular mitzvah as a "truly good deed," since it is a kindness for
which no one ever expects to be rewarded. In Eastern Europe, the funeral hall,
owned by the community, was usually located on the cemetery grounds. Here the
brief service was held and eulogy delivered, after which the entire gathering
observed the mitzvah of levayah, accompanying the body to its final resting
place. There they laid the casket in the grave and each man in turn helped to
replace the earth.
The
Hevra Kaddisha functioned not only in Eastern Europe but in liberal communities
of twentieth-century Germany, for example, as well. Thus the administration of
funerals and burials was always considered the holy responsibility of the
Jewish community, under whose supervision no abuse could arise. Indeed, the
element of "business" or "commercialization" which plagues
us today was almost totally disassociated from this area of religious
responsibility.
Rabbi
I. Epstein, former head of Jews College of London, describes the manner in
which Jews from time immemorial have met death.
This
same faith which is kindled in the soul of the Jew from his earliest
childhood accompanies him throughout his life until his last days on earth. To
declare with his last breath this faith and to close his eyes with the
proclamation of the Shema is the dying wish of every Jew. Those present at the
time of death bow in submission to divine judgment by pronouncing "Blessed
be the Judge of Truth," and as a token of mourning rend the top part of
their upper garment. For the last ministration no minister is necessary; the
idea of ministrations to the dead as part of the ministerial
vocation is in fact strange to Judaism. In every community there exists a
special society Chebra Kaddisha (Holy
Brotherhood) to attend to all the requirements of the dead-washing the body,
preparing the shrouds, etc. A Jewish funeral is marked by its simplicity, all
differences between rich and poor being eschewed in this respect. The shrouded
body is placed in the coffin wrapped in a Tallith, and the head is laid to rest
on earth specially brought from the Holy Land. Jewish law does not
approve of cremation, as not being in consonance with the respect due to the
body which was once the abode of the divine soul. The essential feature of the
burial service is the declaration in a selection of biblical verses of the
Justice of God (Zidduk ha-Din), and the recital by the son, or by the
daughter in the absence of a son or other near relative, of the Kaddish, which
is a prayer for the glorification of God and the coming of His Kingdom, when
the reign of death shall be over and life eternal shall be established. For
seven days after the funeral the nearest of kin remain in the house in
mourning, and in order to enable the son (or sons) to say Kaddish, services are
held in the house; and for eleven months the son is to attend public worship at
each of the daily services to recite the Kaddish. (Isadore
Epstein, Judaism (London: Epworth Press, 1939), pp. 59-61.)
In contrast to the way
in which the family and the responsible Jewish community, upheld by the
strength and consolation of their faith, have experienced death-ministering the
last rites, attending to the burial, and mourning, first at home and later in
the synagogue in the open acknowledgement of the fact of death-the twentieth
century has sought to play down such frankness. Thus a distinguished sociologist
writes:
In
the twentieth century there seems to have been an unremarked shift in prudery;
whereas copulation has become more and more "mentionable,"
particularly in Anglo-Saxon societies, death has become more and more
"unmentionable" as a natural process. I cannot recollect a novel or
play of the last twenty years or so which has a "deathbed scene" that
describes in any detail the death "from natural causes" of a major
character….
While
natural death became more and more smothered in prudery, violent
death has played an ever growing part in the fantasies offered to mass
audiences-detective stories, thrillers, Westerns, war stories, spy stories,
science fiction and, eventually, horror comics....
Nevertheless,
people have to come to terms with the basic facts of birth, copulation, and
death, and somehow accept their implications; if social prudery prevents this
being done in an open and dignified fashion, then it will be done
surreptitiously. If we dislike the modern pornography of death, then we must
give back to death-natural death-its parade and publicity, readmit grief and
mourning. If we make death unmentionable in polite society-"not before the
children"-we almost insure the continuation of the "horror
comic." No censorship has ever been really effective. (Geoffrey
Gorer, "The Pornography of Death," Identity and
Anxiety (Glencoe, Free Press, 1960), pp. 405-7)
How
different and how sane has been-and still is, to some extent-the traditional
manner of Jewish mourning! An American rabbi describes a typical scene of true
consolation which takes place hundreds of times every day in the Jewish
communities, large and small. in every part of the world.
It
is an early weekday morn. A quiet residential street of the dynamic city is
still enveloped in a drowsy stillness. Soon life will awake in its silent and
comfortable houses and noisy children, after a hasty breakfast, will leap through
doors, schoolward bound. Men can be seen entering one of the houses. Their bearing
is marked by reverence and solemnity. Sorrow has recently visited one of the
homes on the street and friends are gathering for the mourning service. Within
the residence, candles are lit, tefillin and talesim are quietly donned and the
voice of prayer is heard in the hushed atmosphere.
Long
ago a people developed this practice so rich in meaning that neither the
passing of centuries nor the roaring life of a metropolitan
center has been able to render it obsolete. The friends are no longer
individuals come to express sympathy, each in his
particular way, with the feeling that the degree of his own
friendship with the mourners dictates. The individuals have merged into a
"minyan," a congregation. They have coalesced into an
"eidah," a community. Though this community is small in numbers, it
represents in every religious detail the larger K'laI Yisroel of which each
identified Jew is part. Thus does a community symbolically and actually share
in the sorrow of one of its members. The grief of the individual re-echoes in
the life of the group. No Jew stands alone in his bereavement, while his
personal anguish serves as a wall between him and all those upon whose way in
life the dark shadow has not fallen. A people closes ranks and encircles its
stricken member with the warmth of brotherly sympathy.
The
religious service of this little group, representing the larger community,
takes place in the home. It is a tribute to the central position of the home.
Where a family lives and loves and fashions the most intimate bonds to link
persons one to the other-you have a sanctuary appropriate for worship. For the
home is a sanctuary no less than the Synagogue. Its holiness is of no lesser
kind than that with which the formal house of prayer of the entire community is
invested. The poignancy and sanctity of grief are best
expressed in the intimate sanctuary of the home. The sanctuary
of the home can never be replaced by Synagogue or Temple,
however large or magnificent.
The
prayer is concluded. The imperatives of modern living compel the minyan to
dissolve once again into its component individuals who hurry through streets,
now filled with romping and laughing children and speeding automobiles, to
offices, shops and plants. The mourners remain. They are, however, no longer completely
alone. In the atmosphere of their home the prayers linger
and bespeak the solace of a tradition and the brotherhood of a community. (Morris
Adler, "We Do Not Stand Alone," A Treasury of Comfort, ed. by
S. Greenberg (New York: Crown Publishers, Inc., 1954), p. 133-4.)
Approval
of the simple, homely but dignified rites of traditional Judaism is
acknowledged by an outstanding student of the psychology of religion who sees
in the so-called modern liberal approach to death which his own
Reform temple symbolized a mistaken rejection of one of the wisest ways of his
traditional brothers. In Peace of Mind) Joshua
Loth Liebman writes:
The
discoveries of psychiatry-of how essential it is to express rather than to
repress grief, to talk about one's loss with friends and companions, to move
step by step from inactivity to activity again-remind us that the ancient
teachers of Judaism often had an intuitive wisdom about human nature and its
needs which our more sophisticated and liberal age has forgotten. Traditional
Judaism, as a matter of fact, had the wisdom to devise almost all of the
procedures for healthy-minded grief which the contemporary psychologist
counsels, although Judaism naturally did not possess the tools for scientific
experiment and systematic case study, nor did it always understand, as we can
now, the underlying reason for its procedures. The Bible records how open and
unashamed was the expression of sorrow on the part of Abraham and Jacob and
David. Our ancestors publicly wept, wore sackcloth, tore their garments and
fasted. In rabbinic literature we read that "The time of mourning is
divided into four periods. The first three days are given to weeping and
lamentation; the deceased is eulogized up to the seventh day, the mourner
keeping within the house; the somber garb of mourning is worn up to the
thirtieth day, and personal adornment is neglected. In the case of mourning for
a parent, the pursuit of amusement and entertainment is abandoned up to the end
of the year. . ."
On
returning from the burial, shiva commences-the seven days during which the
mourner is confined to the house in which he sits on the floor or on a low
bench, devoting his time to the reading of the Book of Job. The first meal
after the funeral is prepared by a neighbor and is called "the meal of
consolation." Friends and neighbors and relatives come to visit the
mourner, and the conversation is limited to the praises of the deceased.
The
ancient Jews thus arranged for the expression of grief and
stimulated that expression by ordaining wailing, the tearing of the garment,
the repetition of the tearstained pages of the Bible-the creation of an
unashamed atmosphere of sorrow. Furthermore, the rabbis prescribed that the
conversation in the house of mourning should revolve around the dead person,
thus providing the mourner an opportunity to articulate his sense of loss.
In the famous ethical work "The Sayings of the Fathers," we come
across the advice of one of the great rabbinic sages, Rabbi Simeon ben Eleazer,
who said, "Seek not to comfort thy neighbor while his dead still lies
before him. . . ." Note, further-more, how traditional Judaism arranged a
kind of hierarchical order in the process of mourning: the first days after the
burial being the period of most intense mourning, with a
gradual tapering off of that intensity of grief, by well-arranged
time steps-seven days, thirty days, one year.
Where
traditional Judaism was psychologically sound in its approach to death, much
liberal religion has been unsound. We moderns have assimilated from our
environment a sense of shame about emotionalism and a disinclination to
face the tragic realities of life, both leading to unwise repression
and emotional evasion. Liberal rabbis and liberal ministers alike are
continually committing psychological fallacies. They arrange funerals in such a
way as to make death itself almost an illusion. Often the ritual itself is planned
in such a way as to prevent tears, emotional outburst, and
"undignified scenes." Even at the grave, the conspiracy of illusion
is maintained. The coffin is hidden beneath a blanket of flowers and the brown
earth is concealed by an artificial carpet of green. AII this is done, no
doubt, with the best of intentions, with the desire of sparing the feelings and
of shielding the bereaved from possible paroxysms of grief. The same noble
motive animates the friends and relatives of the mourners when they attempt to
distract attention from the poignant loss, employing all kinds of
conversational devices to divert the mind of the bereaved. Startling though it
may seem at first, all this is wrong. It proceeds on the assumption that men
should not give in to themselves; that indulgence in emotion is harmful; that
the bereaved must be protected against despairing thoughts; that the tragic
realities of life should be glossed over and avoided. This approach is a
reflection of our whole twentieth century's suspicion of emotion, when the
expression of honest feeling has become so taboo. (Joshua
Liebman, Peace Of Mind (New
York: Simon and Schuster, Inc.,1946), pp.122-4).
The
wisdom of the traditional attitude of Judaism to death is attested to not only
by ancient sages but by modern social scientists as well.
This precious insight into the nature of mourning which the Fathers and rabbis
of Israel perceived, which was embodied in the living fabric of our people for
centuries and which has helped them to meet tragedy, personal and communal, in
every country and clime, is now in danger of dissolution. For the fact is that
in the chaos of American Jewish life, almost for the first time in two thousand
years, many of the noble standards of the Jewish funeral have been neglected.
In
an article which appeared in Conservative
Judaism, Rabbi Moshe Goldblum, one of
the few American rabbis who has tackled the problem successfully in his
community, sums up the challenge and points toward a
solution.
It
has always been the desire of Jewish tradition to keep the arrangements for
burial as simple as possible. The desire for equality in death stems from
Tannaitic times with Rabban Gamaliel setting a personal example in asking that
his funeral be of the simplest type. Jewish law has circumscribed the usages of
the Jewish people regarding burial from that time to our own day. The
individual did not feel that he has the personal right to deviate
from the norms set down by Jewish tradition. A"
responsibility for the details was left in the hands of the Hevra
Kaddisha, established by the congregation or community (Kehillah), and the
individual bad no right to decide himself as to how the ceremonies were to
proceed.
With
the breakdown of the Kehilla system, there was a release from the discipline of
Jewish corporate life. The exodus from ghetto living and the relatively sudden
transition to the modern world, gave the individual Jew a feeling that he no
longer had to accept the dictates of Jewish tradition. He could decide for
himself as to how he should regulate his religious life. The deviations from
the traditional norms are well known, and most likely are more clearly
evidenced in the customs of death rather than in life. The Jews of America,
whose experiments in organizing a Kehillah system always ended in failure, were
especially individualistic in deciding what was proper or improper at
a Jewish funeral ceremony. The arrangements became more lavish,
and many non-Jewish customs became the order of the day.
Jewish
burial societies were organized in America, and for a period did bring a
semblance of uniformity to the customs used in burial. However, these societies
were not able to elicit the loyalty of the younger generation, nor could they
demand a rigid adherence to the customs of the
society. It has now become the regular procedure for a family to use any
financial assistance forthcoming from the society as a down-payment for more lavish
arrangements which they provide for on their own. The equality
and the simplicity in Jewish death has almost totally disappeared,
for each family feels that they are being held responsible as individuals for
final arrangements. They know that a more expensive casket
cannot give greater comfort to the dead. The luxurious casket is purchased to
give the living the comfort so that friends and relatives will have no grounds
to criticize them for their apparent lack of concern for the dead. The Kehillah
and Jewish law are no longer considered strong enough to accept
the responsibility for burial arrangements.
There
is only one organization in American Jewish life which is sufficiently strong
enough to demand the loyalty and respect from the individual Jew. To
re-introduce Jewish tradition in American Jewish burial practice will demand
the guiding and yet demanding hand of the synagogue. Many American
synagogues have completely divorced this aspect of Jewish life from their
field of responsibility. This area belongs to the funeral director
and the synagogue merely supplies the rabbi to officiate at the proper time.
Other synagogues have accepted the total responsibility, and the leadership has
asserted itself sufficiently to bring order out of chaos, tradition and
equality where abuse once held sway.
No
one can be certain of success; nor is there a foolproof
formula for beauty; no man can be sure of marital happiness; nor is there any
guarantee for health. But of one thing each and every one of us can be
certain-that one day we will die! Death knows no favoritism. It visits kings
and beggars, black and white, Jew and gentile. Death is the great leveler.
Jewish
tradition, through the laws of burial, made of this fact a powerful lesson in
living. Though inequality may prevail during our lifetime, where greed divides
even brothers, in death, when we stand before the mystery
of God, we are reminded once again of the final truth. Wisely does the Talmud
note that man comes into the world with clenched fists, to seize and clutch,
but when he leaves the world his hands are open, as if to mock his search for
gain and glory. "If the will of a wealthy man orders that he is to be
dressed in silk for burial," states the Jewish law, "we ignore
it."
The
solemn equality of the Jewish burial ritual which embraces rich and poor alike
has stood as a sanctuary of simplicity and as a school for compassion down
through the centuries. It is this sanctuary, in which Israel gathered each time
sorrow befell them and in which they were reminded each time that every man
is God's image, that now for the first
time in our long history has been defiled. It is this school which has ever
taught us the gentle lessons of communal mercy and the duties of holy
brotherhood, whose doors now for the first time in centuries have been bolted.
Only
this generation of Israel has permitted commercial interests to assume
synagogue responsibilities and to manipulate the mourner's grief into an
occasion for pagan rites. Is it not enough that all our lives we compete with
each other with our cars, our furs, our homes and our clubs? Must we compete
even in death?
Who
is to blame for the present deplorable situation?
Surely
not the mourner, who is the innocent victim of conditions difficult for him to
control. Nor, indeed, the undertaker, who often makes an earnest effort to
provide the best funeral appurtenances and services that seem in vogue today,
and who is, after all, a businessman applying business methods to an area where
sales resistance is at a minimum and temptation, therefore, at a maximum.
The
fault lies with the synagogue leaders-rabbinic and lay-who have
tolerated an intolerable situation and abdicated their age-old responsibility!
(One exception is the Cemetery Rules and Regulations of Temple Beth-El,
Lancaster, Pennsylvania:
Religion.
The deceased must be of Jewish faith.
Time.
The funeral should take place as soon as possible after death occurs.
Sabbath.
When a death occurs on the Sabbath, the body should not be removed until
after the Sabbath has ended.
Shrouds.
Persons to be buried are to wear shrouds in accordance with Jewish
tradition.
Holy
Society. The body shall be prepared by a recognized Holy
Society (Hevra Kaddisha).
Shomer.
The body shall, in accordance with Holy Law, be attended at all times by
not less than one attendant.
Flowers.
Jewish tradition frowns upon the use of flowers to conceal the reality
of death. Jewish Law advocates that no flowers be sent to the funeral services
conducted under the auspices of the Temple or involving our members.
The Temple
realizes that friends may wish to show their respect for the deceased and
therefore advises that their donations be given to some worthy charity, e.g.,
Prayer Book Fund, etc.
Embalming.
Jewish Law is opposed to embalming. In certain specific situations, however,
when a body must be held over for a designated period of time, embalming is
provided for by the law of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.
Casket.
The casket shall be one of wood of simple design as recommended by the
Cemetery and Religious Committees.
Viewing.
The casket must remain closed during services.
Funeral
Director. The Cemetery Committee of the Congregation shall inform
the Funeral Director of his duties in accordance with Jewish
tradition.
Arbiter.
The Rabbi and the Cemetery Committee shall be the final arbiter
of any unforeseen circumstances that may arise.
Costs.
The prices of graves shall be the same for all members. A charge for
each funeral will be made by the Temple to cover exact costs of the following:
Hevra Kaddisha, Shrouds, Shammash, Opening of grave, etc.
The tragedy is all the greater because this is
perhaps the one area in Jewish life where Jewish tradition (alas, even
superstition) happens to be almost universally respected.
This is a common concern to all synagogues. All
branches of Jewry are united in their dissatisfaction with the current
situation. Under proper
guidance every community could correct this unfortunate abuse. The Springfield proposal is only one
possibility. The re-establishment of communal non-profit funeral parlors
should be the central goal for all. The total solution to this pressing problem will not be
achieved until once again the Jewish community at large, or a group
of synagogues, assumes total responsibility for burials on a non-profit basis as
has been our age-old custom. This will provide for that
decommercialization which has always characterized the Jewish funeral, and will succeed in raising it
to the level of a mitzvah, a service of God.
Let
me sum up with four basic proposals to the American Synagogue:
1. Reassertion
by the Synagogue of its authority and the authority of
Jewish law and tradition in all matters dealing with burial and
mourning.
2. Establishment
of an ongoing educational program directed to members
of the congregation to acquaint them with what Jewish law and tradition teaches
regarding burial and mourning, and their relevance today.
3. Drawing up a code