Interview with Rabbi Maurice Lamm – April 22, 2004 on the occasion of the publication of his new book:  Consolation: The Spiritual Journey Beyond Grief

In the Chevra Kadisha world, your book The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning, is practically mandatory reading. Would you tell our readers a little about your journey since your wrote that book?

When I was young in the rabbinate, what was needed was a halachic rationale for aveilus. People tried to get exempt from what was desperately needed. That’s why there was no keriah, but instead there was cutting of a ribbon; no filling in the grave, but instead covering it with grass. 

This book is not like other books that simply bring the halacha. This book deals with the sophisticated attitudes and rituals that incorporate themselves in bereavement. I tried to plumb the depths.

Thankfully because of previous books and the times, people understand more about shiva. What we need - and what God is hoping we will do – is to cut the seven days out of eternity. Shiva is incredibly sensitive to the avel. If you cut short the shiva, you will lose.

Where previously many Jews were trying to get out of Shiva, now they want to do it for fetuses, miscarriages, mothers who are gentile. The Torah looks favorably upon these practices. I’ve incorporated these ideas in my in my chapter of discretionary mourning in the revision to the Jewish Way in Death and Mourning.

My new book on Consolation talks about things like sitting on a low stool, doing shiva in the parent’s house, telling the story of the person who died. It helps brings closure in the most magnificent way. God consoles. The magnificence of Kaddish, which is not a chore, but provides a platform.

Members of the Chevra Kadisha, especially in Orthodox communities, seem to focus much of their attention on Taharah. Do you think Chevra Kadisha members can play a role in providing comfort to bereaved families?

This is a marvelous idea. It will require restructuring the Chevra Kadisha to deal with the families. I believe the model is already in place. The hospice model deals with the patient’s family for one year after death. They deal with both the deceased and the survivors. In Jewish tradition, the moment when we change our focus from the deceased to the living is when we finish covering the grave and go through the parallel rows.

Readers of Chevra Kadisha News are very familiar with the Menorah Gardens Cemetery tragedy. Will the lessons from your new book fit with your work on the Menorah Gardens Blue Ribbon Panel?

All this work fits perfectly. Menorah Gardens was a heinous crime against the Jewish deceased. I didn’t think I would have an opportunity to help. Serving on the Blue Ribbon Panel with a Cemetery Engineer and a Cemetery Architect gives me the opportunity to help solve this problem. I won’t give the go ahead until I receive an absolute assurance from the cemetery that these things will never occur again and they take actions to assure me of that and we review these actions to make sure it is happening properly. I feel a great responsibility because cemeteries all over the country will be looking at what happens next.